Friday winds down !

I just finished an interesting lunch of pasta and a PGB&J sandwich, and relaxed watching ESPN in our lunchroom kitchen. The day is really dragging at this point  and i am up front again to give myself something to do for the next 2 1/2 hours til I head to Bally's and workout before we go to the Football game tonight. My hopes of  this day ending soon are dashed and I'm just really anxious to get out of here and get my workout and sauna and maybe even sit in the jacuzzi at the gym. Got a text from Terria stating the very same and she too is anxious for her school week to be done and get to our weekend! My desk computer is ready to blow up and is making a really annoying humming sound and needs to be replaced, and i don't have the proper Adobe player to view videos on it or do my emails from there so I need to venture to the front where i can access my account and view it all from the front, the only issue at front is the occasional customer and or phone call. So I sit up here and write  from a visitor side computer and really wished i was on my laptop at home where it has lightning speed and the fact that i woud be home would really work for me right now. my mind is really wandering and racing right now, over anxious and times lire this is where i go to hiyt golf bals or make that second trip to the gym on weekends, but working now and just allow myself the opp to do what i always do ,Think way too much about shit that is really stupid, I wish i could watch porn here at work then I'd have something to do all day long lol, get really excited and peel a few off lmmfao "what are those noises coming from Greg's desk?" Ewwwwww!!!!!! fuckin funny, Hope tonight's game goes well and  all my classmates leave me alone and can get away from them by not having to relive the " remember when " questions and blah blah blah, i'm not really Social ,although I put on a good show when i am with people i don't know, sounds ridiculous to all those that know me to hear that But I do socialize and make do with the charm and humor but I'd rather be with people i know and places where i can truly be an ass and people understand I'm just being me and laugh  it off. As i stated previously Facebook is essentially dead to me and the whole Facebook community spends way too much time talking about stuff that i could truly give a rats ass about but I do have some nice friends on there and will stay aboard as observer only, my posts are seemingly much too controversial as nobody seems to want to touch them and comments are sparse, or maybe I'm not as exciting or as intelligent as i think I am ??? Who know either way very quiet on FB and knowing full well the social networks are not the place to spend too much time bantering about, the blogs that i maintain are really good for me and give me the needed forum to express my true self without fear of reprisals or being judged as being anything but Greg Duran, the Man who doesn't give a fuck about a lot of shit and yet gives a fuck about alot of shit at the same time, what complex mind right? So i head into the end of my day with anticipation and an awareness that I am the master of my destiny and will continue to do so without fears and with out anything but the goodness of my heart and my love for life and all those are a big part of it all. It will be a great weekend i am sure and I look forward to baking Roberts cake and having him over for a relaxing few minutes of whatever it is we decide to do. More to come later on tonight i am pretty sure and more this weekend as the events unfold. I will watch college Football and  whatever Baseball that is on . As long as Oregon Beats USC this weekend i am cool, Auburn Tigers are incredible and Cam Newton is the most impressive specimen have seen since Bo Jackson, Go Aauburn , would love to see them and Oregon square of in the BCS championship game , either Oregon or Boise State.

Clarity of Knowing

I ran into a wall today
I broke it down and ran away
I saw the past of my dismay
Coming home to a brand new way

Opened eyes and closing doors
mistakes forbidden anymore
A chance to pick myself up from the floor
retrospection and the things I adore

rolling in pleasures and no more pain
reliving the goodness over again
Clarity my best friend without a fight
The world is Chrystal in my sights

Venture upward in another dimension
time and efforts put into my ascention
rewards and victories await my completion
the finish line of an incomplete mission

The work and play of a daily grind
The happiness that's never far behind
No looking back to unload and rewind
Missions and provisions here to remind

Life is fleeting but I am not
running away from the goodness that i desperately sought
everyday is my Sunday best
I work and I thrive to pass my tests

Slowly Grown Roses

Stop and smell the Roses
no worries as to how it grew to be
just pick it ,smell it and enjoy
photosynthesis don't mean a thing

complex things need not be difficult
enjoy the simplicity that you can
difficult times will be whatever they will be
enjoy the goodness while you can

To think so much it hurts
wonder what it feels like to smile all day
to laugh is an after thought
to cry is a shameful sin

letting the balloons fly freely
emotions and suppressed belonging
I owe myself a train of thought
to feel that what I am is right

baby steps to longer strides
growth will spurt in acceptance and self worth
holding a grip on the regulators pulse
turn it on and turn it up

breaking ground on new horizons
a life map and a compass guides me
emotions and a wayward thought
doing things from the hole in my grab bag

slowing down the cerebral whirlwind
playing in the mud real slow
I might get dirty and smell real bad
but I will smell the Roses in my hands

"Stronger"!

Sometimes i touch the world
but cannot feel it's pains
Somedays the sun shines high
yet it begins to rain

just when you think you have it all
Figured out and nicely wrapped up tight
the laws of invincibility break down
and haunt you through the night

Thoughtful mindsets think way too deep
I pray about something for my soul to keep
yet my words and actions aren't always in sync
Over-cooked and not done with more time to think

restful peacefulness and easy days
working on more time to play
when enough is too much
no vices or that daily crutch

always on the personal alert
no more time to crush and hurt
the selfless people and my selfish acts
my self betrayals kept me from being intact

I hold the truths and the past
the self destructions have long since passed
the starting line and finished too
I'm holding truths which i know are true

In looking back i see beyond
where i've been and what I've done
I'm stronger than the things I've broken
My actions stronger than the words I've spoken

Touching Bases

doing a little facelift here as well needed a change of face so re designed a little and wanted a new look instead of the same old thing everyday. Everything is still great and we all have aour days when we doubt what the fuck is the meanig of it all, then it hits us all in the Jaw, there are no absolutes but to have the proper faith in the proper place. I am very happy that we are sound and grounded on my side of the fence and the parts that are not are out of our reach for now, maybe someday people will pull their heads out of the asses and take some accouintability for their lives and quit using me as an excuse to be mad at my wife, grow the fuck up , or go the fuck away, so far the choice has been to go away! So be it, thats not our loss ,its always been your gain and for that i wish you a good life!

Coming back home

Been awhile since I've posted on this side of the house so today i think i will!!!!! As i mentioned on the other side of the house All is really well, things are progressing where they should be and  I am in constant state of flux in my personal attack on Greg duran1 The days and nights seem to flow together nicely i am always trying to think of ways to renew and rejuvenate myself to not becoming a stagnant or bitter person who wants , wishes and needs. all of my needs are always met , never been in a place that had me needing or wanting anything i didn't already have, just human nature and some poor genetics can really fuck things up if you allow it to, and God knows i have been for the past 4o plus years trying to find ways to not find myself to be worthy of anything, and all i had were a right of passage and expected i guess? so moving to a new day and a new way of perceiving things and the values that they hold and keep, it is a new dawn for Greg these days, trying to re-establish  a new sense of self worthiness, not masked behind my arrogance or my quick witted sharp tongue to denigrate somebody before they get too close to me! It is very nice to see my progressions and see the newer ways of dealing with my life of goodness, it is not a right of passage it is a gift and I will treat it accordingly from here on out. My mind and my heart have always been in the right place, but at times it seems that my extremist mindset always wants to overheat something by thinking it thought way too many times and not act as rationale as I should. I eagerly await my guru Frank Schaeffers new book and hope to re-read his older books as a way of tuning up the soul a little and helping me to regain a little lost love and a little lost faith that sits on the fence  and needs to push onto the other side of the house. I am Worthy of the good life that i live and God knows i am always willing to work at things til i get them right, so funny how the one thing i need the least work on is loving my wife and showing her on a daily basis, not only how wonderful she is , but what she brings to my life and how she has enhanced my awareness to take one day at a time and to appreciate the goodness that we do share. it's not an accident that we are here and she always knew we would be together one day, even after the 12 year hiatus while she was married with children. Yes, she will always be known as the one that got away, and the one that i will never let go of again. Life sends some pretty amazing messages, how we answer them is where we are today, living a blessed and an incredible life as good people making good decisions and trying to help as many people as possible. Funny how my Facebook life is nearly dead, i keep it alive to stay i touch with the girls, Deb, Stacy, Bobbi, Even Nevarez and I generally communicate via text these days and love the fact that i'm writing here instead of writing over there. the whole FB experience is a failed experiment for me, i get more out of writing on my sites here and across the street than i could ever get ranting on FB, people are so PC over there and the old Greg was always looking for a fight, the newer polished Greg just speaks his mind and doesn't care if people listen or respond, this is for me and only me to defend or to offend, So game set match i always win , and the life i have is a hard fought battle to that i have won on many fronts, dodging bullets is no longer my forte and self destruction form way back is a done deal. so thanks to all my family, friends and especially my Terria, i am in a great place these days and loving to write about it all