Emotional Katrina

As i was speaking to wife last night , speaking in metaphor and simile as I usually do I was trying to drive home a very key point. I walked into our bedroom after a second trip to the gym last night feeling tired yet refreshed from a second workout for my aching body. I noticed a somber, yet angry face on my wifes face and asked her if she was OK? She replied, "I don't know" I then heard her fire off a question that nearly floored me,she asked" Are you 100% committed to US"? i responded with , " why would that be in question, i asked u back and here u are, of course I am committed to US! She then began to question the texts and occational call from Valarie and was concerned that this was not healthy for either side to mend the pains and hurt created by our affair. she was concerned that she was not giving each side a chance to heal and work towards closure on us and move forward to work on our respective marriages! My take on it was this , after all of the damage that we had done, and all the rubble we left behind we are having a hard time to hitting the off button of emotions. I put it to her this way, I feel so bad for creating such a stir and hurting so many people on both sides that i almost feel like I was the tornado , or the Katrina storm that came thru and wiped out a city and left a path of destrucxtion behind me. My heart and kind soul tell me to try to fix it al and to go back to the scene and survey the damage that I have created by talking to Valarie and making sure she is committed to her husband and doing what she needs to do to make it work. My wife seems to think it as counter productive to hold on to the feelings still, but i cannot stop caring and loving a person that was so dear to me , even if for a short time it was real and true and I will dispute that til the end. But my caring and concerned side of me does not allow me to walk away stone cold from anyhting i have ever been involved with, I had to re-assure terria that thhere will never be another Greg/Valarie relationship , that ship has sailed and i had my slip from reality happen to me, there is not chance that i woill leave Terria for anybody, never, and if I do it will be as a divorced,, single man ,,never to hurt her again under the guise of a married man cheating on his wife. I know what i walked away from as does Valarie when she chose to go back, but she thanked me for giving her an awareness and the personal tools to work through her marriage and realize that there was so much dysfunction in her marriage and have brought things to the table and can now work on them, conversely I go back to my wife with a table that is set, in order and all i have to do is take away the fears that Greg will ever do this again as a married man. I know that Valarie and I know we cannot ever create this pain to self or family ever again and know that this is a great learning tool for us a individuals to grow, and learn about ourselves so that we can give our spouses the love and attention they deserve, each of our spouses has given up their Pride, their, firends advise ,even their children questioning the taking back of the soiled couple who played and got dirty while watching the worlds behind them crumble, yet they are all strong enough to put that behind them and work towards a better future together. This is very commendable to throw caution to the wind and make an honest attempt to make a mistake into an opportunity for success. I am so damn sorry for the pains I have created and will have a hard time realizing its conclusion, i beat myself up each day over againabout becomming vulnerable and allowing myself to have an inappropriate realtionship with a married woman, To Ed , i do apologize for being a weak individual and thrusting my soul onto your wife so very inapproriately, and to my wife , i have apologized and now must work towards the goal of regaining trust and being the man that she reunited with 12 years ago. As our 9th anniversary approached June 30, i was going to take a trip to my favorite city Seattle Wa. ,I was to go solo and hang out with my homeless friends to give me some perspective on how blessed of a life and existance I have, i was going to actually sleep on the streets for a night and see and share the stories of the homeless and catalogue self evaluate how wonderful my world is in comparison to theirs, I am bless, we are blessed, i just cannoitot turn off my emotions for those that i love, or have loves like a light switch. I care because I can and do it well. God Bless!