The Second Chance

Funny how the curveballs in life keep coming, and i keep hitting them and fouling them off as well. I have been given another opportunity to right the wrongs and find my way in the grand scheme of things. My life has taken so many turns in the past month i don't even know where to start OR where to end, for there never seems to be a beginning or an end to anything I do. My friend has chosen to go back to her husband again and give that a third chance for success. I was unable to walk away from that relationship and was essentially not giving up on her or the relationship until she did so. I knew after the first trial of her going back to her husband that i would get the second pink slip at some point in time, i knew and had as a I always do prepare myself for the outcomes listed in best case to worst case scenarios, thats how i live and breathe, prepared and ready. There was a lot of cleaning up to do , the house and the mortgage were in question without my wife's substantial income to supplement my own, so i sought out alternative ways to be financed and had a plan in effect. After a week had passed i took my soon to be ex wife to breakfast one Saturday morning to try to discuss the inner workings of our demise and pending divorce. At breakfast she did mention the fact that she was concerned about me and knew the previous 3 months were as much a burden on me as they were for her, they were and she was so right as the pains of going to bed each night one day closer to ending a perfect marriage do to Pride and my inability to give her a second chance to take me back in her life as her Husband. Yet i fought the whole reunification thing to the end and was given this thought to myself as i sat across the breakfast table from her. Why did Valarie get 2 chances to walk away from me and how was it that my wife was given none, my pride and ego were standing in the way of the perfect wife, the perfect marriage and she had nothing to do with any of my flaws that i exposed to the world on May 3, 2010, funny how on June 3 it was over and I was left to try to figure out what my game plan for going on was going to be. being a overly strong yet sensitive person has enabled me to understand alot and not put the cart before the horse when it comes to dealing with issues in my life. So getting back to Terria and my taking the opportunity to right the ship and bring her back home to me. I told her looking her dead in the eye, "you know the past 2 1/2 months havent been without pain and bittersweet fortunes for anybody, we had left so much heartfelt devastation behind us and i left a perfectly good marriage to seek out somebody elses love. I can only imagine your hurt and pain ,but to know that you were helpless and faultless in my external search for whatever it was and for whatever reason I chose to move forward with Valarie and secretly fall in love with another woman. I was real, it was true and it did happen and if the guilt would not have gotten to her I would still be with her from a distance and we would still be looking for a future together. but fate and reality stuck their hands in the mix and threw in the guilt and memorabilia necessary for Valarie to make a decision that would impact us both in a seemingly bad way at the time, but have proven to be right and put us both back in the proper contexts of our lifes and our loves for our spouses. I actually surprised myself by allowing Terria to take me back and have her move back into the house. I have an extreme sense of Pride and determination to stick by my guns, but loving her so much and hurting her so much I swallowed My pride and did the right thing for her and put my stupidity of being an egomaniac behind and started real growth for Greg Duran. I apologize wholeheartedly to Ed Caulfield , to Whitney, to Jared and to the family that was affected by this all, this was never my intention to fall in love with somebody Else's;wife and thus move my own wife out and have to bring her back. these life lessons of pain, hurt , lies , deceit will always remind me of the 3 months that got away from my marriage and the time when Greg was a stranger to not only his family, but to himself as a good person, human being and respectful person to somebody elses wife. for this I shake Eds hand for allowing Valarie another opportunity to properly work on their marriage and give each other the love, communication and the hard work that a marriage truly deserves. As for me I can only thank My Lord who kept me grounded if not stronger than i should have been, i was trying to do the right things in a wrong situation , i know through conversations with Valarie that we could have and would have worked well together and that the love we shared was so real and was not some cheap, fly by night fling that everybody says it was, there were magical moments, and there was talks of everyday, but goddammit we went about the magic the wrong way at the wrong time and always said so even when things were strong and going well for us. i know sometimes in life we get another chance to fix a broken part of ourselves, this time we have a chance to fix 2 broken up families dealing with the same thing at the same time. I have shared with Valarie how sad it is that we at this time cannot maintain a friendship with each other and at least communicate to see how the other is progressing on the roads to recovery! time is our enemy, i will always take a piece of Valarie with me as will she from me, but the common thread from here on out is the respect for our spouses and the knowledge of where we put them both emotionally and spiritually because of our selfish act to implode our love at the expense of so many was so wrong and we each paid the price, i hope that Whitney will oneday look back at this and realize how childish her acts were and still are , I'm very blessed that all of my broken fences have been mended and cleaned up properly. I will try to persuade my Terria to give me the latitude to at least check on Valaries' life and make sure she is doing well and on the right track, but understand the harship she would have if she did not want me to give a shit. as i told her, I will always Love My Valarie, even though she was not mine to love, as a friend, a lover of Baseball and sports and even as a good accepetor of my shit spewing crap that i am so good at talking. how here reality TV blows and how Fergie Really is a Cunt and that all that matters is not online or on TV, its in the hearts and souls that we shared for 3 months together and how we must give our spouses our hearts and souls back to them by showing them everyday how much we love them, even if denouncing our love that we had for each other. as we said earlier today, i will always Love you Valarie and you will always love your Greg Duran, so go out and Make Ed the happiest he's ever been and make sure he does the same for you. I am in the best place I've ever been Valarie Caulfield and want you to free yourself from any pains that we caused, therapy and guidance and the communication that you and Ed, me and Terria will never allow this to happen ever again . I wanna check in for the sole purpose of making sure you are happy and giving Ed all he deserves. and please Forget outside opinion, they have no right to dictate right from wrong,I love you u Valarie and i love the fact that Ed has you in his arms at night, back where you should have never strayed from, but this time you are bigger, better, stronger as a result of our Hiccup, love you, bye for Now, not forever,i'm watching you two closely . We have to earn their trust so they let us check in on each other, my heart and soul tells me that you will work thru this all and be better than u ever have been before. I am so blessed to have Terria and she will be allowed to read this as well if she so chooses. our platform is solid, i am working on repairing my chipped and tattered pillars of strength. i am a strong man but the walls of reality are sometimes too much to hold up forever, even the Strong are weak at times, my Terria solidifies that strength with her love , compassion and understanding of life ,love and the heart that i trampled upon, is the Heart that was left open for me to take again.Amazing !!! Now go get it done!!