The Letter

Amidst all of the turmoil and drama that had occurred over the past whatever the fuck time frame it has been, who gives a shit ! I was confronted with so many feelings and emotions that I've never dealt with before, all of which came to me lie a hurricane and blew my stupid as away in a hurry. So I'm sitting there talking to Terria about the day and whats going on blah fuckin blah right. Then she presents me 2 pieces of paper crumbled and folded over, she said this was mine that she had forgotten to give to me a few weeks earlier, i asked what they were ,she said read it! So i started to read it and what confronted me was the deepest most fear filled reading i had ever seen before. It was her goodbye letter to me and it tore me to shreds, here we are a couple weeks back into our marriage and she had this letter in her purse or somewhere and i kinda wished she would have never given it to me, but actually am happy she did. it made me realize how incredibly strong Terria really is, she is a stone wall that was never going to falter, with or without me she was ready to move on into her new life of solitude and strength to survive as a single mother and succeed at doing so! So I'm reading this goodbye letter and losing all composure and she watched me read it line for line, the part that killed me was that she says "She was always Proud to be called Mrs. Greg Duran and that was the hardest single phrase I've ever read in my entire being, what a mess and confused state of affairs I had created, pardon the pun ,but it applies here. I could not believe the letter was so calmly written and directed at all of the positives, not the obvious shitty state i left her in. And here i thought coming back to my empty house with space for my clothes in the closets and empty drawers with not enough clothes to fill them , and i thought that was a bad thing to come home to after memorial day weekend! Damn this letter kicked the ass of that scenario 10 fold i am not kidding! I can hear her calm voice and demeanor as she wrote the letter , and knowing her had her tongue sticking out while writing it in her perfect handwriting and slanted cursive and block writing. I ended the letter in streaming tears and felt a sense of pride to know that she can continue to be Mrs Greg Duran and that i have the eternal strength and commitment of a loving human being who makes no illusions or has No dreams other than being a great wife and mother , and does so every single day. i have never felt more proud of a person in my life as i do for my wife and her efforts to be so forgiving and so loving through everything I put her through,her friends and some family members have advised against her coming back to this marriage and she can only say ,if you only knew how much i love that man and how much he ;loves me back, and how she witnessed the other side of me throughout the entire ordeal and stood up and said" are you OK Greg, i would always say, why do you care, her answer was always, "I will always love you Greg" through the years you have given me and my boys so much that can never be forgotten and i wont" I can not even fathom a life with out this strength and this woman by my side. My detours were not a mistake, it was in fact a detour and it was fun, at the cost of other unhappiness and for that i regret it but to call it a mistake would be wrong, it was the kick start that was needed to fix lives and redirect positivity back into the respective worlds of families and get the shit straight and move on to bigger and better lives where they are supposed to be spent, together! Sometimes our lives are re-directed and changed up a bit and we don't always know why, or how we are to rebound from whatever is thrown at us, this episode in my life was a tumultuous time of uncertainty and pain, all replaced by the calm and the natural humming of a smooth running machine that only God and people who love each other can ever try to explain. Thank you O' wife O' mine for being the strength for the strong and being able to see the cluttered thoughts through the muck and the mire. Never stopped loving you, or being in love with you, just lost sight of the reasons why and the methods in which to show you every minute of every day! To take you own quote and apply it to you "YOU" are Amazing"