My First Visit to the Shrink

Last night was my first night of therapy and was a little odd for me. Here I was sitting in front of a total stranger and giving away my secrets and some vulnerabilities, asked the typical shrinkie dink questions about relationships with parents and family life, blah blah blah. The Dr. Mr Michael Morales ,an older silver haired homeboy who seemed to have his shit really straight and Terria and I were both very comfortable with him and shared our childhoods with him as well as some info about my accident and the affair that I had with Valarie for the previous 3 months! So there we were siting there on the couch answering questions and I really wanted to open up my Pandoras box, get the shit out, tell me about my mommy issues and tell me to say 42 hail marys'. So so quick Saurus, it doesn't work like that. So we opened up a little,sharing some good stories about growing up and he had some really good life examples of his own to illustrate certain points he tried to get across, after calling me Frank, and Craig, I finally corrected him, and then he called me Crank I think but it was all good, he even corrected me for calling him Sir throughout the meeting and I politely said"Yes Michael" We both really did enjoy his methods and calm demeanor and look forward to our weekly Thursday 6 pm sessions. S we both entered this idea of seeing a therapist as a tool to improve upon an already excellent mode of communication and continue to work on the reasons why I strayed from my marriage. The main reason I am consumed by this all is this I want to earn back the lost trust from Terria and the lost faith in myself for putting her and many others through a living hell for 3 months. Never before being a true believer in therapy and the whole idea of sharing your inner most emotions and feelings with a stranger , just never seemed like the thing to do , but this is not for me , it is for Terria and i must figure out how and find out why I was not able to temper my emotions and continue to venture towards an inappropriate relationship with a married woman! So I guess it is for me so that I may resolve the issues and get back the trust from my wife that was lost and get back that swagger that I once possessed. Time will get us there and we have many sessions planned ahead of us. He was able to gather a few really important facts of diagnosis, some of which Terria and I knew i possess. He asked me if i had problems communicating and I chuckled, No Doc, I write, I speak too much and I make people cringe when i open my mouth so"NO", no issues communicating. I'm really fortunate in that I am able to open up my mind and allow somebody else in to help me understand some shit about me that i have had trouble coming to grips with, some of which the infidelity, but more so some of the mindsets that i hold so strong and so bullheaded about. My loving ,caring ,giving side which he termed ans"letting people crap on you" i said yeah , because I'm strong enough to take it and deal with the shit. He made no comment?? S I'm sure next week will bring more answers and he did Praise Terria for being so strong and being so forgiving of my lapse in better judgement, and he was very positive that we were ok, but had a few issues since my accident and the affair that needed to be sorted out. Teria even shared with her how much we communicate on a daily basis and how we share our concerns about everything , always have ! We have both helped each other by being there for one another and i was so amazed that throughout the entire affair, she knew I was hurting with guilt and would always as if needed anything, if I was ok, this from a jilted woman that i was leaving for another,Yeah, the love she displayed then and now is truly mind boggling to me, I ask her why she even bothers and I'm not worthy of such an incredible woman, Right now I truly don't feel that I am, I don't! But through conversation and the love that we know is ever present we move on and we work harder than ever before to move on and move forward to a bigger and better relationship from this day forward. Just 3 weeks ago i was with another woman enjoying an L.A. weekend for 4 days and nights and thought this was my destiny, i guess t was not for me t decide and It has helped shape the man that I am and hope t become as a result of this outcome! I am truly amazed at the fact that over a 6 week span we went through a serious roller coaster ride of emotions, all culminating from my May 3 confessions of this affair that i was having, seems so surreal that we are both back where we started , both working on making our lives whole again and devoting ourselves to the root of our affections our respective spouses. I have no reasons, no excuses or no answers t anything right now and Hope to find some in the near future but realize that the trust bond that I so violently destroyed will take more than words and promises , it will take dedication and actions showing Terria that I am a good man, and the Honest and virtuous man that Terria married 9 years ago. I hope that I can get my wife back, and hope that I can make her as happy as i once did , i do realize that every trip around the block or any golf outing will bring her suspenseful doubt as she has a right to feel. But with the heavy heart of guilt reminding me how I felt before, I trust in m me to seek out the tools and methods to find and mend this broken man into a whole one again. I am harder on myself than anybody can imagine and thats how I live, I figure If I don't raise my own lifes bar and my standards, who will,thats my job and my gig to do so. So the past is the past, to learn and to grow from, but it also haunts me and I want want completion and closure on that Greg Duran that I didn't know or understand, What a roadtrip this was and will be ,I know that the strength I have and the faith in Terria and my God will carry US through this all. Thanks All!