My Home, My Heart , My mind!

I do so much communicating throughout a given day, i speak, I write and I listen to everything around me, gathering in all pertinent information and act accordingly. The one constant in my life is my ability to communicate clearly, how I feel, what i feel and, how I go about getting there. As my life has essentially returned to normalcy and everyday has become guilt free and goal driven again, I can exhale and breathe in a new life of solidarity to my Wife , my family and the few friends that i have. The Facebook and Twitter farce are long gone and seemed to be a temporary distractor and waste of time when I could be doing this, writing , to myself, for myself and by myself. i have never been one to conform or play by the rules and have never been one to adore the fact of being adored or wanted, i beat to my own drum set and will forever be judged by this standard of being so very different. My heart has been in so many places lately, asking for forgiveness and asking myself so many questions for the drama that i helped create is behind me now and i can rebuild the real Greg and the real portion of my life that i truly adored about myself. the fact that Greg Duran was always a Virtuous man who abided by Gods rules and the golden rule to be respectful of all around him, yet I was never slow to "Kick somebody in the dick" when necessary and give the wrath of reality to anybody who lacked it at any given time. what you see is what you got with the G man ,and slipping away from that person has troubled me so much. So i return to scene of the crime, that deep deep mind and soul of mine, to try to find that lost soul where goodness was the main ingredient. Having my nightly 2 hour Conversation with Terria has really given me an idea of where I've been and where i need to return back to. My momentary lapse in judgement was in fact that ticking time bomb in my soul that has always brewed ever so close to the surface, as each day passes and each conversation flows through me like the rivers waters, i see the clarity of a healed soul around the next bend, i feel the power of my God tapping me on my shoulder and telling me to Stop killing myself with guilt and hatred towards myself! My losses in life are in fact my gains, my bleeding conscience is in fact my healing soul and my tears of sorrow are a cleansing that only i can understand of myself. As i spoke with my wife last night i explained to her that i will no longer apologize for my acts, I will act upon my mistakes with remedies to the future and solutions to fix the broken man that once was so powerful with love and joy and can now return to the scene of the triumphant joys that have embraced his incredible life. Greg Duran is a blessed man who at times is selfish and arrogant,aloof and feels way to good about himself, yet always grounded and always concerned about others and somehow can realize that I am mortal, i make mistakes ands I bleed red blood like the rest of the world. When i cry for myself I cry twice for others , when i die of anger i get angry for everybody Else, the world is my one man campaign against injustices of the heart and the mind, yet this battle i can no longer fight, i have my own battle , it rages between my ears and between the massive chest that i carry with me every day. Oh my goodness, The mind, this mind of Mine is so hard to define, what it is that makes me ME? I've tried to go back and find the roots and origins of some of my true real insecurities and have found a few, to be loved and admired have never been near the top, but to love and admire always have been, i love to be happy and i love to show people that they are special when in fact that they are special, conversely i can also pout down an ass whipping on the Sara Palins of the world who have no idea but their own retarded agendas, these people bother me and i can no longer carry that burden either. To dispel the rumors that i speak and write to hear the sound of my own voice and to relive the arrogance and brilliance that i see in myself through my gift of being able to communicate, i can only say that being intelligent and articulate is not illegal, being able to communicate is not a crime , and having opinions substantiated with evidence is good court Fodder.... case closed, My world is based on my ability to speak, listen and respond, Rinse , wash ,repeat, its all so very cyclical with me and will always be the case in my dealing with life, its problems and it solutions. My mind , my heart and my home are the most crucial thing to making Greg a happier person, i delve in to the depths of my being to try to understand myself so that i may better serve those who love me, need me and depend on that solid mind and heart to get through liefs cruelties. Life is not about being deep, its about digging deeper than we ever have to get through it all in one piece. I have travelled many rocky roads in my life, one failed marriage ,nearly a second failed marriage and kids who couldn't,or wouldn't look me in the eye! all great when you put it into perspective and realize that sometimes guilt is the great equalizer and sometimes makes us realize the answers to the unanswerable questions in our lives! Greg Duran lost his way, Greg Duran found his guilt and with that a new idea of what it tok for him to stray off the path of right versus wrong, but back to a place where he is most comfortable, being cerebral and thinking about the reprocutions of life's actions and having a conscience of things beyond Myself and beyond what is best for me, i live this life in much company and have so many responsibilities to so many more hearts and souls other than my own. taking the bull by the balls and realizing that my life is my own and can and will be whatever i make it out to be. I don't require the outreached hand of guidance, but am wise enough to know that i can without shame reach out and allow my wife, my brothers and my sisters to hug and hold to love and cherish the man and person that i can become for them all. So i reach out now and send my love to those that matter the most, I give myself , all of myself and to never under estimate the power of truth , honesty and the power to communicate it all clearly on a daily basis. I have been blessed and for this i do thank my Lord for giving me a second chance to make the difference that i have blessed with the abilities to give